ten

have you ever feel like piss off?
you were thrown away from the circle and no one to catch
even the person you thought could be the one who clear all ur tears..
mungkin ini kekecewaan.
disaat kita teramat membutuhkan, tapi ga ada orang.
yang ada justru 'dibutuhkan'
its nice to be needed
tapi kita cuma manusia biasa yg gabisa hidup sendiri...
dibutuhin gak berarti engga butuh..
all I wanna do is scream it out on your face,
"where were you when I needed the most?"
to everyone, for said "I'm your bestfriend" --fuck with it.
no one ever nice... but Jesus do
oh God if only you could appear in my dream and talk to me..
I need U to be here, to be real, next beside me
kalo terlalu impossible, diri ini aja yang menuju ke surga..
semuanya, rela kok ditinggal demi bisa ngedapetin tempat itu
lagipula, for who could ever feel losing me...
kata orang, Tuhan manggil orang2 yg udah baik
supaya bisa berada disampingNya.
berarti harus banyak2 ngelakuin kebaikan, supaya tugas didunia ini cepet selesai :')
kalo udah selesai, bisa cepet2 berada di tempat yang nyaman itu.
sayang banget, gue bukan orang baik..
sayang banget gue ga pernah ngelakuin hal baik
itu artinya tugas gue masih belom selesai..masih banyak, masih panjang
sebenernya engga ngerti harus apa..
di saat sangat sangat teramat sangat membutuhkan,
orang yang bilang akan selalu ada, justru ga mau kalah
dengan berdalih lebih membutuhkan..
emangnya ada ukuran butuh? semua orang punya masalahnya sendiri2..
it always been hard for everyone to through alone.
I'd rather be alone than be with someone who only could said "I will always there for you"
I really really miss saying "I'm happy with you"
or saying that "he/she is the one of me"
or feeling comfort for awhile..
I miss laughing till I can stop
I miss the feeling have someone
I miss the feeling comfort by the simple words
I miss being hugged, kissed from the heart
I miss feeling safe
I miss how happy I am at was...
there ain't no other to comfort me
even you.
sorry for being really in disorder.

nine

you are sound in the middle of crowded. no one heard your voice of scream.
desperate to sound your mind. no one to listen.
even you had tried so hard. even you had spoke till you die.
it might be there's nothing wrong with people. but you do.
you are a cup of boredom.
you thought love when you found someone make you fell you beautiful
someone make you fell insecure, and laugh
how high the happiness is..you must to be someone else
does it love? what is that?
you are willing to be someone else just to be heard.
sad, isn't it?
person you thought love instead require you to be someone better.
you just where they have to waiting before they found true love...
it was pathetic you have to be compared with someone...
you never be looked as yourself. you're always be the phantom.
you are nothing everyone have. all you want is just to be everything
to be everyone have and always....

eight

happy birthday super woman, the most beautiful God's creature in this world. love!

seven

have you ever feel so guilty?
to your God, to your beloved mom?
to everyone who has expect you the best
but all you can give is just a beast side from you...
that's suck..
you feel like a muck in a face, waiting to be sweep away.
you feel like useless because you are guilty to your God...
He blessed you more than you deserve
you already regret it, regret your mistake,
then you feel guilty, regret, apologize in your pray,
but you do it again...and again..
and all you fear about is..
whether He want to forgive you for the same mistake?
for a thousand times you did again after you regret it in your pray?
whether He still want to protect you from something you fear about as human?
oh human..
why you are so naive.. why you are so weak..
yes, I am weak without God.. and I need is God, the most
but I was too afraid to ask His protection to me cause I was bad..
Oh God... I wish I knew what I supposed to do to not do it again..
I am really sorry, God.
Please don't go away from me.
please don't be tired to forgive me for my all mistake.
please don't be tired to teach me to be your kind child..
please always loving me, God...
I am really sorry...God
I am so weak..
I am sorry :"((((

six

is this the sixth post on this site?
that's cool...
pas banget hari ini tgl 6 ya haha
well
ketika lo mengkhususkan sebuah hari atau tanggal
itu tradisi pasangan-pasangan.
you know what called with 'anniversary'
kadang kita ngerasa kalau kita orangnya romantis
atau mungkin memang romantis, tergantung gimana bersikap.
kadang di tanggal anniversary,
orang-orang membuat surprise atau giving a gift sebagai simbolis
rasa apresiasi mereka buat pasangannya karena udah mau
menemaninya selama itu.
gue gatau gimana kodratnya, cewe atau cowo yg biasanya gitu
trus yaaa....
gimana kalo lo udah nyiapin sesuatu yang menurut lo itu spesial
tapi ketika harusnya itu menjadi sebuah surprise,
dan justru gak menjadi surprise...gmn perasaan lo?
apalagi ketika lo berusaha nunjukin rasa kecewa lo karena gagal surprise
tapi justru dibilang nyalahin pasangan grgr gagal surprise itu...
sebenernya ga nyalahin. just disappointed....
apalagi kalo kejadiannya ga cuma sekali.
udah ketiga kalinya gagal surprise itu keulang dan berturut-turut
apalgi kalo lo orangnya gampang down...
justru diomelin karena berusaha ngungkapin rasa kecewa itu...
bahkan disaat yang sama, candaan kita ga ditanggepin
tapi justru candaan cewe lain yang ditanggepin..
mungkin emang buat lawakan yg cuma buat ditanggepin satu cewe itu kali
trus ketika lo ditanya sedih kenapa,
ya mikir aja kali sedihnya kenapa ??!!!!
giliran cewe lain aja kayanya udah deket banget..
mikir aja kali, ya masa gue mau bilang kalo gue kecewa grgr gagal surprise

five

ketika hati tak lagi mampu mengungkapkan maksudnya...
dan hanya diam yang terucap...
hanya tangis yang mampu berbicara, membungkam setiap kata...
*ssaaaaaahhhhhh-_-_-_-
hahaha puitis en mendramatisir abitch ya hahaha
yah setiap orang kalo lagi galau emang jadi lebih puitis dan kreatif
lo harus mengakui itu, karena dari masalah itulah semua orang dapet inspirasi.
yap. betul sekali. galau.
galau itu perasaan manusia, setiap orang pasti pernah merasakan.
manusiawi lah, munafuck kl ada yg ngaku "gue gak galau"
alias kalau bahasa anak gaul "my fake smile".
justru orang yang sportif yang bisa mengakui kegalauannya.
ketika lo galau, pikiran lo kusut,
kaya benang kusut, semmrawut kalo kata bude gue.
dan ketika lo galau, lo butuh suatu tempat sepi buat sendiri,
buat meluruskan setiap benang kusut yang ada dipikiran lo itu.
nah ketika lo sedang meluruskan benang-benang indah itu,
lo bakal nemuin banyak inspirasi,
kekreatifan lo muncul kalo lo bisa menyalurkan kegalauan lo
dengan tepat dan benar.
banyak orang orang nemuin inspirasi dari saat-saat galau itu.
karena setiap orang yg merasakan galau itu,
menjadi lebih bijaksana setiap jengkal benang kusut yang dapat diurainya.
dari setiap benang yang diluruskan, satu pembelajaran pendewasaan muncul,
membuat sebuah introspeksi dalam diri.
meninjau dan menimbang hal-hal yang sudah terlewati
membuat seseorang mengerti arti kehidupan
dan menimbulkan sebuah inspirasi baru untuk hidup baru selanjutnya.
entah itu positif maupun negatif di kehidupan selanjutnya,
namun setiap penggalauan yang ada, pasti ada hikmahnya.
salah besar kalau lo justru salah mengartikan
kalau galau itu sebuah bencana.
nikmatin aja gais, go with the flow.
ketika lo menikmati setiap prosesnya, setiap detiknya,
hati lo semakin besar, besar, dan luas,
dan semakin siap buat hari esok, dan masalah yang lebih menghebatkan kamu :-)

four

"The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long."
quote yg bikin gue bertahan sampe saat ini :')
gue yakin siapapun yg berpikiran buat give up,
setelah baca quote itu pasti mikir dua kali kan.
well, itulah yg gue rasain sekarang
I'm so close to give up. give up on you. it was too close
tau gak kenapa? because your past that I can't forget about :'''
I love you, anyway. just please don't let go