ten

have you ever feel like piss off?
you were thrown away from the circle and no one to catch
even the person you thought could be the one who clear all ur tears..
mungkin ini kekecewaan.
disaat kita teramat membutuhkan, tapi ga ada orang.
yang ada justru 'dibutuhkan'
its nice to be needed
tapi kita cuma manusia biasa yg gabisa hidup sendiri...
dibutuhin gak berarti engga butuh..
all I wanna do is scream it out on your face,
"where were you when I needed the most?"
to everyone, for said "I'm your bestfriend" --fuck with it.
no one ever nice... but Jesus do
oh God if only you could appear in my dream and talk to me..
I need U to be here, to be real, next beside me
kalo terlalu impossible, diri ini aja yang menuju ke surga..
semuanya, rela kok ditinggal demi bisa ngedapetin tempat itu
lagipula, for who could ever feel losing me...
kata orang, Tuhan manggil orang2 yg udah baik
supaya bisa berada disampingNya.
berarti harus banyak2 ngelakuin kebaikan, supaya tugas didunia ini cepet selesai :')
kalo udah selesai, bisa cepet2 berada di tempat yang nyaman itu.
sayang banget, gue bukan orang baik..
sayang banget gue ga pernah ngelakuin hal baik
itu artinya tugas gue masih belom selesai..masih banyak, masih panjang
sebenernya engga ngerti harus apa..
di saat sangat sangat teramat sangat membutuhkan,
orang yang bilang akan selalu ada, justru ga mau kalah
dengan berdalih lebih membutuhkan..
emangnya ada ukuran butuh? semua orang punya masalahnya sendiri2..
it always been hard for everyone to through alone.
I'd rather be alone than be with someone who only could said "I will always there for you"
I really really miss saying "I'm happy with you"
or saying that "he/she is the one of me"
or feeling comfort for awhile..
I miss laughing till I can stop
I miss the feeling have someone
I miss the feeling comfort by the simple words
I miss being hugged, kissed from the heart
I miss feeling safe
I miss how happy I am at was...
there ain't no other to comfort me
even you.
sorry for being really in disorder.

nine

you are sound in the middle of crowded. no one heard your voice of scream.
desperate to sound your mind. no one to listen.
even you had tried so hard. even you had spoke till you die.
it might be there's nothing wrong with people. but you do.
you are a cup of boredom.
you thought love when you found someone make you fell you beautiful
someone make you fell insecure, and laugh
how high the happiness is..you must to be someone else
does it love? what is that?
you are willing to be someone else just to be heard.
sad, isn't it?
person you thought love instead require you to be someone better.
you just where they have to waiting before they found true love...
it was pathetic you have to be compared with someone...
you never be looked as yourself. you're always be the phantom.
you are nothing everyone have. all you want is just to be everything
to be everyone have and always....

eight

happy birthday super woman, the most beautiful God's creature in this world. love!

seven

have you ever feel so guilty?
to your God, to your beloved mom?
to everyone who has expect you the best
but all you can give is just a beast side from you...
that's suck..
you feel like a muck in a face, waiting to be sweep away.
you feel like useless because you are guilty to your God...
He blessed you more than you deserve
you already regret it, regret your mistake,
then you feel guilty, regret, apologize in your pray,
but you do it again...and again..
and all you fear about is..
whether He want to forgive you for the same mistake?
for a thousand times you did again after you regret it in your pray?
whether He still want to protect you from something you fear about as human?
oh human..
why you are so naive.. why you are so weak..
yes, I am weak without God.. and I need is God, the most
but I was too afraid to ask His protection to me cause I was bad..
Oh God... I wish I knew what I supposed to do to not do it again..
I am really sorry, God.
Please don't go away from me.
please don't be tired to forgive me for my all mistake.
please don't be tired to teach me to be your kind child..
please always loving me, God...
I am really sorry...God
I am so weak..
I am sorry :"((((